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Carmageddon is Evil !
Pubblichiamo un divertente "post" comparso su un gruppo usenet, in cui si piglia in giro il tono delle reazioni scomposte a videogiochi come Carmageddon. Ringraziamo l'autore, Beable van Polasm, per avercene concesso il diritto.
I was looking for a good computer game to use for Driver Education Classes at our local Sunday School. I looked for reviews of driving games on the web, and they all said that Carmageddon was the best driving game available.
And it did have a nice Bible-ey sounding name, so I bought a copy and gave
it a try! Well at first, I was a bit worried about it, because there was a
lot of car crashes and stuff, so I was not really sure that it would be suitable.
Also, there were zombies staggering around all over the place. Now zombies
are DEVIL SPAWN, so I thought it was a pretty good idea to run them over!
And they did make a satisfying squishy sound and green ichor splattered out
all over the place. So I played it for about 16 hours, and I thought that
it might not really be suitable for Driver Ed Class.
So I went back to the web. Then I found out that there was a patch for Carmageddon,
so I downloaded and installed it. To my horror, I found that the Devil Spawn
Zombies had been replaced by REAL PEOPLE, and CUTE PUPPY
DOGS! And when I accidentally ran one over, REAL BLOOD CAME OUT! AND THEN
THE TYRE TRACKS OF THE CAR WERE ALL BLOODY! So I played it for about 14 hours
more, and I was DISGUSTED! You people are SICK if you think it's fun to run
over people, and cute fluffy puppy dogs! The people GET DOWN ON
THEIR KNEES AND BEG YOU NOT TO RUN THEM OVER AND I BET YOU STILL DO! And then
you get MONEY for killing innocent people! Well let me tell you, there is
only one person who gives you MONEY for
killing INNOCENT people and that's THE DEVIL! So when you are playing Carmageddon,
YOU ARE DOING THE DEVIL'S WORK!!!
And then my friend's six-year-old nephew played it for six hours, and he thought it was FUN which shows how the game can CORRUPT THE YOUTH OF AMERICA!!! But that night he woke up screaming "DON'T LET THE BAD MAN RUN ME OVER!".
So I think that Carmageddon should be BANNED, and then the software company
should have to make another
patch, that stops the cars from going over 30 miles per hour in town areas.
Some of those cars go OVER 200 MILES PER HOUR! In out-of-town areas, the cars
should be limited to 55 miles per hour. Also, if a car goes through a stop
sign, the police should pull them over and give them a ticket. And if there
is an accident, the drivers should all have to stop and talk about it. AND
NO MORE RUNNING PEOPLE OVER! The game should have the cars STOPPING FOR THE
PEDESTRIANS, and giving them yummy candy. And then when the patch is finished,
it should be MANDATORY for EVERYBODY to install the patch and play the game
again, as the game SHOULD
HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE! Then the game would be A LOT MORE FUN!
So everybody please contact the government and INSIST that Carmageddon gets
BANNED because it is EVIL and
SICK and the WORK OF THE DEVIL! Then let's all contact the software company
and force them to make another patch to make the game a proper fun game and
suitable for the kiddies. We have to stop this sort of EVIL
INFLUENCE from spreading NOW, before it's TOO LATE!
Riprodotta con il consenso dell'autore
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